Lying.

When did it all become so easy? When did I get so good at it? I can lie my ass of to anyone about anything. The problem? They always believe me.

All I ever want is to get caught. I want them to realize that I need help even though I'll never ask. But they don't. It's so frustrating sometimes! I scream behind those simple words, how can't you see they're not true? I'm not even trying anymore! And what do I do when the message does break through? I lie even more. I smile, I put on that social grace that charms my way past every who's ever tried. And it hurts, it really does.

But in the end it's all I really want. It's easier to lie until it feels true, then to tell the truth and acknowledge that it is real, regardless.

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Now playing: Fall Out Boy - My Heart Is the Worst Kind of Weapon
via FoxyTunes

Playing the game.

The rules are simple.
1)Act out the motions you're told to, no matter how ridiculous or how much you don't want to, do it.
2)Never say a word.

So when did it all become so hard? I was so good at smiling when I was told and being a good boy the whole time. Never complained about the slips I pulled, not even the toughy's. But then they started cheating.

Some times they were to hard. I couldn't handle all the pressure as they watched me squirm. I tried screaming for help but knew it wasn't allowed. Then they stopped guessing. Gave me situations that were harder and harder to deal with until then left me to fend for myself. That's when I popped.

The rules were unfair it wasn't a game anymore. It wasn't fun and I wanted out, I want out. So I put on the facade and pretended it was all okay, hid through layers and lies and nobody had, has, a clue. I started my own game.